When it don't come easy

Well, that last post was definitely why I needed to start writing more. It was all over the place. New rule, if I can't finish a post in a sitting, wipe it and start over. That last post was done in 4 different sessions. I must resist hitting the Save as Draft button at all costs!

I'll probably have a new rule, no posting after midnight, but we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, we had a storm tonight, which for people in the St. Louis area will know is no surprise. However what was a surprise was my 1 year old son Gavin, woke up. This kid sleeps through everything. And I'm not sure it was the thunder that woke him, rather than being thirsty. He can't tell me so I'll have to guess.

It’s never a good feeling when your baby wakes up in the middle of the night. The first step is always to see if its a temporary thing (which it usually is). You continue on hoping he will fall back to sleep. 10-15 minutes later, it’s apparent that it isn't going to happen. This makes you feel extremely guilty for waiting those 10-15 minutes. Even though the last 20 times he's fallen back to sleep in 5 mins or less.

Then comes the going into the room. This never happens without the thought that something BAD has happened. He's hurt and I should have been there 10 mins ago, and doesn't his cry sound different? The 5 seconds it takes for me to get to the door and open it really is the worst a parent can have.

Case in point, a month or so ago someone threw a large, heavy rock through our back patio door. This of course woke us up since it makes a very loud thud (we never heard the crash though). We at first thought that Gavin somehow had 1) gotten out of his crib and fell, or 2) he somehow caused the crib to fall over. Both of these scenarios are very unlikely, but anyone who's dealt with me when I'm woken unexpectedly can tell you my mind doesn't move through the low gears very quickly. It does make for higher top speed, but I'm digressing.

Anyway, I rushed to Gavin's room. My wife caught up to me a couple of seconds later, outside the bedroom. This is because even though I had sprinted top speed to the room and had my hand on the doorknob, I could NOT open the door. Those 5 seconds of worry had literally caused my brain to overload with every worst possible scenario. My wife showing up got me to shake that off, otherwise I wonder how long I would have been standing there. Gavin of course was fine, and in fact bouncing up and down thinking mommy and daddy were here to play.

Frankly, after that the fact that someone had swiped my wife's purse & my laptop bag didn't really bother me at all. I don't think my wife really understood that, as she seemed to get quite irritated with me about how calm I was about the whole affair.

I love being a dad. Gavin is literally the greatest baby; I don't know how we got so lucky. Other parents will disagree of course, but that's ok. It’s good for people to be wrong sometimes :)

But I hate those 5 seconds.